Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Hearing Impaired Land Mass

Finally my copy of 'Silent Hill HD collection' arrived from Taiwan or wherever yesterday and I got stuck into Silent Hill 2 on my trusty noisy PS3.

For those not in the know, Silent Hill is a franchise of 'survival horror' games characterised by weird settings and alternate realities, violent beings seemingly from YOUR OWN NIGHTMARES. And all you have to battle these things is a plank with a rusty nail on the end.

Initially I thought 'this sucks' as the control scheme is incredibly archaic and the graphics, while nicely HDerized, are still very PS2-like. Also the first 20 minutes are just spent running around a deserted forest and town.

However once I happened upon an abandoned apartment block and was wandering around in the dark, I started to feel that familiar uneasy feeling when I couldn't see shit but I could hear distant shuffling combined with sparse scary chords of the soundtrack.

I entered a dark room with my breath held. I could see light. Also an image which curdled my blood and warded off future hiccups for the remainder of 2012. A woman's torso. Stock still. AAAH! Upon further inspection it turned out to be a valuable torch hanging around a mannequin body. Perfectly normal.

This is the appeal of Silent Hill.

Yours, Brown Pantsingly

Prof Dave

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

The oil age

Good to see men's hair oil has made a significant comeback, even outside the rockabilly circles.

Been thinking about some sort of hair oil app for smartphones which could yield millions. If anyone ever reads this I've already patented the idea so you're wasting your time.

I don't think I have the kind of head of hair for hair oil or cream. I do like the idea of cream better than oil though. Is that Freudian?

Pretty good standard of Eurovision this year, even though it's still tough to stick with unless you playing Eurovision bingo with the aid of vodka, beer etc. The general style of 'song' seems to be either power ballad or eurotrash vocal trance pop, with obscure local style thrown in here and there.

I did feel sorry for the old grannies from Russia who were up there performing. Putin probably had their families held hostage in the wings.

Your's Slickly,

Prof Dave

Friday, 25 May 2012

People of the world,

This is my first foray into blogging, thank you so much for joining me.

It's no secret that I'm a man of the people, and like the people south of the the border in the Wales of New South I too was outraged and outraged some more over the ending to the recent State or Origin match.

Somehow it seems the modern game of Rugby League has been reduced to analysing scoring opportunities at .01 frame a second, or 'snail speed' as my old primary school headmaster wouldve said. If you slow down footage slow enough, you can apparently say with all certainty that this player intentionally 'lead with the foot' or the other player 'wasn't playing at the ball'.

Hardly in the spirit of the working man's game is it? Countless players of the past before the digital age probably got away with try scoring murder, however I would rather that than analysing every possible try 58 times from 7.3 different angles before coming to the wrong conclusion.

Blind Freddy himself commented to me that GI lost control of the ball over the line and knocked it on. Despite his lack of visual chops my mate Fred saw from the first replay what the rest of us did - he dropped the ball.

In any case no use crying over spilled cow juice is there. The blues still need to learn how to score tries in order to win the game. That was the overriding factor in Origin 1 2012 and not the dodgy calls. Just please don't ruin the top spectacle of the game of rugby league with too many f**ing camera angles and slow mo.

Also i'm keen to check out the screen adaptation of 'The Woman in Black' starring Harry Potter. Caught the play in london on the west end and it's the best play I've ever seen (haven't seen many, but still). Plenty of chilling moments that make you jump. Check it out.

Friday today, bring on the weekend, and bring on the Eurovision party!

Puzzlingly Yours,

Professor Dave