Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Gold Gold Gold!

Gold for Australia! Um....... If anyone has any spare gold medals lying around they weren't going to do anything with.... we could take them off your hands.

You see we're used to winning gold from splashing around in a pool, or hitting balls around, or jumping over stuff. Winning is what makes us great and we were doing that way before Charlie Sheen, but this time the crappy english weather and twitter/gun/pill scandals have gotten to us and we need a bit of a leg up so we can pump up our heroes for our kiddies to look up to.

Yours Disallusionedly
Prof Dave

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Got Ham on a Dark Night.....

Hoi I've got a problem with the outcome you people sent me?
Ok certainly I can help can I ask who I'm speaking with?

Lauren Barrygibson from Fremantle flight office Howareyoi?

I'm fine thanks and yourself?

Your system won't work when I try to complete this policy...

Ok I can help with that. Can you advise is there a particular error

It won't..... work.

So when you put that in you need to make sure you do A before you do B

That's what I did but it didn't work. I'll try again.

Ok sure just to let you know you need to....

Oh look it's working now, it wasn't working before. I wonder why stupid system.

Great sounds good

Whoi does this happen, it's obviously not my fault for being an idiot, it's your company.

Ah, I'm not sure it should be working as long as you....

No No, I can't possibly accept any responsibility for my own incompetence, it must be you

Well in any case, I'm glad....

Ok thanks boi

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Blue 32! Blue 32! Hut Hut!

Hi Funsters,

I recently turned 32. Yay.

Have I wasted my life, or has my life wasted me?

If I could atleast grow a cool beard now please? It doesn't need to be Kurt Russell from 'The Thing' awesome (even though that would be awesome), but perhaps some sort of nicely groomed Johnny Depp type thing.

I take full responsibility for any personal feelings of any regret ofcourse, but I also blame society and nature itself for filling me with the expectations of:

A) Being rich
B) Being Successful in business or chosen profession
C) Being a movie/rock star or adored avante garde artist swimming in Dom Perignon and busty beauties.
D) Growing a cool beard

I haven't even really had the chance to 'sell out' like people do in the movies. Push my 'morals' down deep for the sake of hundreds and thousands (not the biscuits). I'd be happy to give that a go, because then once you've obtained the riches you can always turn to the religion of the month for a quick drive thru born again session forgiveness meal thank you come again.

Please don't take the above too seriously, it's just the cold of winter getting to me.

Yours 32ingly,
Prof Dave